Love: Brasserie de Silly

This past month I had the good fortune to visit Brasserie de Silly in Silly, Belgium. Yes….Silly is a real place, just like Fucking, Austria. Silly Fucking Europe! Craziness indeed. The brewery is a little out of the way for train takers… but the beer is just as good, if not better, than lots of the Belgian beers I’ve tried whilst overseas. If you’re a beer enthusiast, a brewer or just a regular dude or dudette who likes cool things…I highly recommend visiting this brewery. Now, when I say brewery, I mean the breweries cafe, which is attached to the actual brewery. The brewery only does tours for large groups so unless you’re with 20 friends…you’re gonna have to just drink at the cafe.

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My friend and I arrived in Silly not really knowing what to expect. When we walked in the doors it kind of looked like one of those random cafes you see in a European city that you don’t want to go into. Ya know, it’s dark, there’s two quiet guys in the corner and one person in the back. It’s pretty empty…..and they don’t speak your language. Not too inviting. (If only I were blacked out drunk to access my fluent French speaking part of the brain!!) So we figured, hey let’s just get a beer and then split. The prices were super cheap….about 1.80 euros to 3.50 euros for a beer. And 2 cheeseburgers were 4 euro. Sweet!! After our first drink the bartender asked us if we were American, we reluctantly said ‘yes’ not knowing what the French speaking Belgians thought of us Yankees. But it turned out that one of those ‘quiet’ guys that we saw earlier was Bernard, the brewer, and he wanted to buy us a round of drinks. Rock on! So there we were, chatting with the brewer and drinking some really amazing beer. What more could we ask for?

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Well…….after about 7 drinks, plus the free ones, some cheeseburgers and a few hours of hanging out……we asked for the bill. Now, previous to this visit I was in Scandinavia so….I was just expecting a normal bill as if we were out drinking in New York. It was 14 euros and 10 cents. What!?! That’s so cheap!! Silly, Belgium man. Silly Fucking Belgium. I mean, it was a small town….and hopefully if Brasserie de Silly gets more popular in the coming years, they’ll raise the prices a little for the oncoming tourists. But hey, for now…..what an amazing deal! Now, I’m no beer guru (when I drink I tend to like ‘crappy’ American beers such as ‘Miller High Life’, ‘Busch’ and ‘PBR’, though I really appreciate and prefer good beers) but I’ll give a quick rundown of a few of the beers I tried.

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Let’s start with the best one. La Cré Tonnerre. Holy crap. Drink this immediately. Next up is Abbaye de Forest. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. (Hey I said I wasn’t a beer guru) Silly Pils was great as well. A nice, simple pils. Pink Killer is the only one I heard about before visiting Silly….and it wasn’t bad. It’s a fruity beer. Not my style, necessarily…but good. And the last one I had was La Divine. Good beer. Good, good beer. I also tried the Scotch Silly which is very nice. I’m well aware that this paragraph was neither eloquent nor detailed….but do you really need details all the time when it comes to beer? Sometimes, you just need to know if it’s good. I don’t care what type of beer you like. The beer in Silly is good. And most importantly….IT’S FUCKING CALLED SILLY!!!!!! Yes….that’s a sophomoric statement….but come on man. It’s SILLY!!! For those of you that would like a more detailed description of the beers in Belgium I’ll provide a link to my friend Rob’s blog when he posts it.

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Overall….I had an awesome experience in a cool brewery in Silly, Belgium. The head brewer was welcoming and really friendly. The beers were great AND CHEAP. And I’m sure if you visited, you’d have a similar experience…..unless you’re a loud mouth douchebag…. Ya never know.

Thanks for reading. As always. Take care of yourself. Take care of your clan. Be good to animals. And follow The Golden Rule as best as you can.

Backpacking: I have a dream!

I’m not Martin Luther King Jr. nor do I think that I’m the backpackers version of Martin Luther King Jr……but I HAVE A DREAM!! I have a dream that one day the US Government (and all other governments too) will institute a broad, cultural & educational internship/ambassadorship for all its young citizens. As soon as the youth would graduate high school, and before attending college/university or entering the work force, they’d be required to complete a full year of travel, study & work-study, which was completely sponsored by the state. A year where the youth would have the opportunity to broaden their minds, stimulate their brain cells, socialize with foreigners from around the globe, where they’d visit museums and monuments and great feats of architecture. A year where the people of the world would have the chance to integrate their ideas, beliefs, dreams and passions with one another. I have a dream!!!

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I have a dream where all adults would be fulfilled in their lives, de-stressed and content with their jobs because of the opportunities afforded to them by their government when they were in their youth. Where all people would be appreciative of the great memories they’d created while traveling abroad. Where all people would be given the opportunity to find themselves and find their true calling before being shuttled into our current higher education monstrosity. I have a dream where countries would tolerate one another’s differences, without resorting to horrific wars, because of the seeds sown amongst generations of travelers. I have a dream where the youth, whether rich or poor, for one year, would be treated as equals by the entire world. Where they could study, travel, work, go on pub crawls, have relationships, fall in love and go on adventures with one another. A year where the daughter of a CEO and the son of an inner-city factory worker would be in the same strata. A year where the youth would be forced out of their comfort zones into an expansive world that would leave them appreciative and in awe of the world that they live in.

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In short, I have a dream for a brighter future and a better world where everyone gets to know the joy of backpacking, visiting monuments & museums, seeing that street band play in a foreign city, going for a walk in the woods in a different country, drinking glacier water as it melts on the mountain, kissing the girl you met on the train, taking a class at a foreign university, getting into an argument with someone at a hostel and then drinking with them and realizing that your cultures aren’t all that different, going to Oktoberfest in Munich for the first time and just missing your train connection at 1am and the next train isn’t until 7am, eating a pizza in Rome and seeing the Champs-Élysées. It’s a dream that is far-fetched right now but it is certainly possible. Some countries such as Germany have had similar programs during our modern time where you could either join the military or join a volunteer service. So maybe it’s not as outlandish an idea as I think it is?

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Human beings are not just a commodity to be pegged, prodded and used as fodder. Each moment, each word and each step in a persons life has long lasting psychological impacts on them and sociological impacts on society. Parts of the world are broken and intelligent thinkers in charge need to make positive changes or else we’ll see more radical groups like the Islamic State and the reckless governments who view people as numbers and not living beings. Maybe if we were afforded the chance to speak, learn and bond with foreigners, on a large scale, then we wouldn’t view certain cultures as radical, evil or dangerous….and vice versa. I once met a North Korean fellow during my travels….we hung out and drank beer together….he was a funny dude….he told me….’I don’t like George Bush. I don’t like what he does. But I like the Yankees. And I like you’. Well maybe when he went home he told his family & friends….’Hey I had a good time with this American. He was nice. They’re not all bad’. And there you go….tolerance. Progress. One small step at a time. I certainly told people about the awesome North Korean guy who was obsessed with German beer and the Yankees. How he got out of North Korea and traveled? Beats the crap out of me!

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So, how would this dream actually work? Well it’s fairly simple…in principle. Students would have to sign up for their accommodations (state sponsored hostels) and air-fare/train-fare (State sponsored) similar to the way they sign up for classes in college. There would need to be some ‘Backpacking Counselors’, which initially I’m sure the government could find amongst the travel bloggers and travel enthusiasts out there. Those people would staff the hostels, lead tours and help the students. Then eventually, those ‘Backpacking Counselors’ could be staffed by some of our youth that just fell in love with backpacking and they made it their career to assist others in their journeys. Those folks could work at any of the state sponsored hostels around the globe. They’d be viewed as college professors sort of….but KICK ASS college professors. Those counselors would also make sure students were getting enough culture and work-study. Each sponsored hostel could also have a tiny military presence (country of sponsorship or NATO or what have you) just to ensure that student travelers are safe and also to give certain soldiers a better job than cleaning out the latrines at their local military installation. It’s the technological age….so each student would have a data-chip in their ID card, which would be linked to their personal ‘student travel website’. All information would be cached/collected so that their counselors could make sure they were 1. Doing enough cultural activities (museums, guided tours, plays etc.) 2. Doing enough work-study (example: they’d need to work for 2 months out of the year at state sponsored hostels in food service, office work and janitorial duties) and 3. Seeing enough of the required cities on the list (example: each student would plan their own custom trip but would be required to see such places as- Dublin, London, Paris, Berlin, Vienna, Rome, Barcelona, Moscow, Athens, Istanbul, Cairo, Hong Kong, Brazil, Tokyo etc.). Also, for Americans (or any locals and their own country of residence for that matter) they’d be required to visit a certain portion of their own country too. I mean, how can you broaden your horizons when you don’t know about the place that you’re actually from…..right?

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Obviously there’d be some exceptions to the rule. You wouldn’t want criminals traveling around or people who didn’t complete their high school education and were looking for a freebie. There’d have to be some type of incentive to getting this state-sponsored opportunity. (For example, ‘you must receive your high school diploma and have volunteered X number of hours in your community and have a clean criminal record [within reason of course cause cops LOOOOVVVEEE to arrest people these days]) And there you have it. The basis for a world of adventurers that would learn from each culture and eventually work in every industry….from simple people who farm and cut trees, to people who become CEO’s, bankers and politicians. Would this proposed system work? Of course it would. Education fills your head. Travel opens your mind and stimulates your senses. Meeting people from other cultures and walks of life educates you even more, makes you tolerant and expands your world view. And instituting a program like this for the youth of the world….well……give it a try and see how AWESOME the world would be a generation later. You can educate yourself (great!) and watch all the news and all the documentaries that you want, good or bad, but they’ll still never be the same as putting your feet on the ground, smelling the smells, hearing the sounds & conversations, eating the foods and immersing yourself in another culture. And back to those bad eggs or youth with a less than favorable background. We wouldn’t want to exclude them because that’s not entirely fair. Maybe they’d have the option to join a branch of the military and get their world travel through a 2-year volunteer service with NATO or some type of world sponsored guard service. Hey, the ‘World Guard’ just like the ‘National Guard’.

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I’m just a regular guy. I don’t have an ivy league educational background that would put me into a decision making spot in politics, nor do I have the desire nor the connections to do so. I don’t have the fame, money or prowess to create a foundation and lobby our policy makers in this area. I don’t even have a full-time job right now. But what I do have is a voice….and a lot of experience. I know what I’m talking about. And I know that this is something that is progressive, has high potential and that the governments of the world need, especially the US government. It wouldn’t even cost that much when you put 2 and 2 together. Maybe it’ll take 50 years. Maybe it’ll take 100 years or even 200 years. But it’ll happen whether it’s sponsored or not. People are waking up. They’re realizing that there’s no adventure left in the world and the life that we’re spoon fed to live isn’t a life that they want. So, for those of you that read this….maybe you’re already in a place of power, maybe you’re a student who will one day become a senator or a young genius who will become a renowned scientist….and maybe you like my idea. And maybe, just maybe….you’ll go backpacking and have an adventure of your own….so that you’ll know EXACTLY what I just talked about. Turn off that TV. Stop saving up your money for the same vacation to Ocean City that you’ve gone on for the last 10 years… and do something new for a change.

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Eventually we’ll all realize that the various Gods we worship are essentially the same. That some of the religious rules we follow are outdated and need to be amended or thrown away. That the differences in our cultures can be appreciated and tolerated….and some of those differences are merely in text books and in the news and aren’t differences at all. That our own mind is the only thing preventing us from taking that next leap into an unknown realm of understanding and a better existence. The old ideas may not be working anymore…..and we’ve gotta start somewhere new….or else we’ll continue beheading others who in a different world we’d be having a coffee with, running crusades and blowing up buildings that in another world we’d be taking tours and snapping pictures of, having unending wars instead of having unending symposiums and we’ll constantly live in turmoil as if we’re on thin ice instead of living as if anything is possible.

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I hope you’ve enjoyed this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. Maybe you agree. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you’ll give this legs and run with my idea. Who knows? I’m just writing stuff on the interwebs for people like you to find. As always, be good to yourself, be good to others, be good to animals, follow The Golden Rule and have a great day.

Backpacking: Vienna, Austria

Vienna. What comes to mind when you think of Vienna? Classical music concerts, Beethoven, The Vienna Opera House… Some of the staples of Vienna. Right? Those things are great about this city and well worth getting immersed in….but Vienna actually is a pretty cool place apart from the classical music scene. Is it a party city? No. It’s not Berlin. But, it’s certainly worth a visit. I’ve spent a good amount of time exploring Vienna over the years and will provide some tips & hints for discovering Vienna. It’s not the cheapest city, but it’s certainly do-able if you’re budget minded. First up…..Schnitzel.

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Being part Austrian, no schnitzel will ever be like Grandma’s schnitzel, but Vienna’s got some KICK ASS choices. I’ve eaten 5 dollar schnitzels in Vienna and even a 50 dollar one (which wasn’t very good). Here are my top two picks. If you’re on a budget, check out Schnitzelwirt. The meal will set you back $10-$15 bucks….and it’s gigantic. You can basically eat the meal as lunch and dinner and you’ll still have some to take home. It tastes great. The restaurant is nice and you’ll be surrounded by Austrian locals. Overall it’s a fun time. Next…and my favorite is Zum Figlmuller. There’s really only one thing you can order on the menu and that is the Figlmuller-Schnitzel. It’s so amazing! It’s huge! It tastes so good! The meat is pounded so thin that the schnitzel will flop over your plate. And you’ve gotta get it with the mixed salad or potato salad. This meal will probably set you back about $20-$25 bucks but it’s well worth it. And you’ll either have leftovers or you’ll be full for the next 24 hours. I recommend going to the Wollzeile location. They don’t take reservations…and unless it’s a touristy season the wait is just 10-15 minutes long. Oh yeah…no beer is served. Only wine. Lots of people online give Figlmuller crap and say the schnitzel isn’t good…..but sorry man. THE SCHNITZEL IS AMAAAZZZING!!!!

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If you’re on a really tight budget, go to one of the many Kebab stands in the city. They’re all over the place and they ROCK THE SOCKS. I think I’ve eaten at about 75% of them in the entire city. One visit I was obsessed. That’s all I ate. There’s a really good one in the Naschmarkt, which is another place you’ve gotta visit. It’s a big flea market/food market. Take a 30 minute stroll there and check out the sites and smells of Vienna. It can be reached easily because the U-bahn system in Vienna is really simple to use. Just go to a kiosk and select a 24-hr, 48-hr or 72-hr unlimited travel card (well worth it). After that you’ve gotta check out Stadtpark, Vienna’s central park, and spend about an hour or so just walking around and hanging out. During the night it’s just as pretty, but I’d go during the day because it’s nicer. And not that it’s dangerous, but on occasion you can get the random drunken lout wandering around at night. Next stop….Schonbrunn Palace. It’s a 20 minute U-bahn ride on the U4 green line and about a 45 minute walk to get from the subway platform to the Gloriette at the top. If you’re into the history, take the tour inside the palace, but I’ve always just walked around the immense palace grounds and gardens. Give yourself a few hours for this. The view is amazing. It’s free. Bring a picnic. Take a nap. Meditate. It’s awesome. Also, during the winter they have a Christkindlemarkt there, which is doubly as awesome. Hot punch. Friendly people. Great snacks. Crisp air. Christmas lights. What more could you want? Now if you’ve got the time…go to the Tiergarten Schonnbrun. It’s the oldest zoo in the world and is right next to Schonnbrun Palace. I wouldn’t recommend going there if you only had a couple of days in Vienna. But if you’re there anywhere from 4-7 days. Check it out.

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A lesser talked about destination in Vienna is the Hundertwasserhaus. It’s an architectural and artistic masterpiece. A trip there will change your life and calm your soul. Well worth it and something that you wouldn’t expect in Vienna. Some other fun stuff to do? It’s a big city and I’d advise a little bit of wandering, especially if you have the unlimited U-bahn ticket. Hop on an above ground tram, cruise the main ring (Ringstrasse), and/or just take the U-bahn and ride around. Some good places to see are the Prater (Praterstern U-bahn stop), the Rathaus (Rathaus U-bahn stop), the Karlsplatz U-bahn station used to be filled with bums, but now it’s cleaned up, and there’s the Opera Toilet (you HAVE to see it) and of course Stephansdom (Stephansplatz U-bahn stop). Even if you’re not religious….when you have a chance to see an 850-year old church…..go see it! It’s remarkable. You’ll get hounded outside by 20 guys dressed as Beethoven selling tickets to cheesy concerts, but just ignore them. Once and a while they have nighttime concerts inside the church (well worth paying if available-they sell those at the ticket booth located outside of the church). Up for some ice cream or gelato? Go anywhere that has the EIS sign. They’re scattered throughout the city. My favorite one is near the Reumannplatz subway stop, but that’s just me.

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The Vienna Concert Cafes are really cool. Time your visit right and you can sit and enjoy a classical concert for the price of a cup of coffee. And if you’re smart….you’ll shell out the extra Euros and order the Kaiserschmarren (Austria’s staple dessert). If you’re adventurous you can head over to Bratislava for the day. It’s a good place to see. The commuter train is only an hour long and it’s about a $20 dollar round trip ticket. The exchange rate was awesome and I did some shopping on the cheap there, but that was in 2007 (In 2009 they adopted the Euro). Back in Vienna proper, if you’re a horse enthusiast, seeing The Spanish Riding School will definitely be a highlight, but if you’re not, it’ll be a waste of time and money for you so just take the nice, romantic horse drawn carriage through the cobblestone streets if you’re with your spouse/partner/lover. That way you can see the city from a different vantage point.

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If you’re looking to go out and get some drinks….hang at some of the bars in the Bermuda Triangle (just a grouping of bars in a triangular area of streets). It makes for some easy bar hopping and late night kebab eating. Crossfield’s Australian Pub (near the Opera) is also worth the visit. Beers. Trivia games. A comfortable atmosphere….and you can eat grasshoppers if you want! That’s right. Grasshoppers! They’re crunchy!… Down for Karaoke? Hit up Mai Kai and belt out some tunes. It’s a chill spot. Where to sleep you ask? Well…. Hotel Furstenhof ain’t the cheapest place ($60-$75/night) for a bohemian half-hotel, half-hostel) but it’s certainly got some charm. There’s always Wombats Hostel ($20-$30/night) or you can take a quick look on Hostelworld.com. There’s plenty of em’ to choose from. As for regular hotels…they can be a bit pricey in this town….but look nonetheless. They run some deals and specials from time to time. Hotel Karntnerhof is a good one to try. It’s not too close to the action but not too far away.

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Museums? Yes to them all. If you’ve got the time of course. If you’re gonna pick just one….I’d say that you’d have to see Albertina. Also, take one of the Danube River tours (Stift Melk is a good one [uber awesome if you're a librarian] and check out Durnstein and Krems while you’re there) or a take walk in the Wienerwald (it’s really special. Autumn is the best time for this). If you’ve hired a car or have the money for a taxi, head out of the city to a traditional Heuriger restaurant. It’s no German beer hall, with the singing and dancing, but it’s just as awesome in it’s own way. Grab a nice lunch and try the new Austrian wines or some ‘Sturm’ if it’s in season. Another very fun ‘free’ thing to do is go to Stephansdom and walk in the direction of Karlsplatz. As you walk, just watch the street performers. There’s a dance group that shows up (almost everyday) near the church and draws a big crowd. Sometimes there are classical music groups or guitar players that are good to watch. You can tip them or just waltz on by.

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There’s plenty to do in Vienna and I’ll say again that it’s really worth a visit. The best time of year to go is probably in mid to late September or early October. Autumn in Vienna is perfect. Not that other seasons in Vienna are bad. The spring is amazing when the flowers are in bloom, the summer is great (but a bit hot because of all the recent heat waves) and the winter, though a bit dreary in parts of the city, it’s beautiful because the Christmas markets are out and a fresh snowfall in Vienna is pretty stunning. Anytime that you go, you’ll have a good time. I’ve given you a large amount of stuff to check out but don’t limit yourself. Check out the tourist maps (available at most shops and hostels) and see what they suggest. Also, do some of the classical music concerts if that’s your sole reason for visiting. And again, wander around….wander, wander, wander. It’s fun. You might just stumble into this place ‘Burg Kino’, which is perfect if you’re an Orson Welles fan. And if you’re flying in or out, be sure to use the CAT train shuttle (about $15 bucks). The airport is a ways away from the center city and you’ll end up paying 40-50 Euros for a cab ride.

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I hope you’ve enjoyed this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. and my tips for Vienna, Austria. If you’d like further assistance in planning your trip, feel free to contact me on twitter @odiemcconnell or via e-mail at mcconnellfavors@gmail.com.  As always. Do your best. Treat others with respect… people, animals and plants alike. And follow The Golden Rule. Have a great day!

Movies: Jiro Dreams of Sushi

Back in 2011, I was lucky enough to attend the screening of the documentary film, ‘Jiro Dreams of Sushi’ at the Berlin Film Festival, and it’s a film that I highly recommend. The documentary, directed by David Gelb, is the story of Jiro Ono, an elderly sushi master who owns the restaurant Sukiyabashi Jiro, and is supposedly one of the best sushi chefs in the world. I’ve never eaten there….but after seeing the film and hearing the director speak during a Q&A session after the movie, I tend to agree. One of the things I remember him saying was that it’s very difficult for him to eat sushi now…..because Jiro’s sushi was by far the best he’s ever had. And at $300 for a starting course (plus a trip to Tokyo and lodging)….that’s a tough problem to have for a sushi lover.

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There are plenty of other good blogs about the film and Jiro’s ideology… and I have no intention of going into details and spoiling it for viewers, so I’m going to keep this one short and sweet. It’s a well made and entertaining film that highlights a living legend in the sushi trade. It’s a film that has many layers and speaks volumes of truth on different levels because of Jiro himself. It’s a pleasant slice of Japanese culture. And it makes you want to eat sushi. The best sushi.

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I will probably never make it to Sukiyabashi Jiro while Jiro is still alive and running the restaurant. Unless maybe he lives to be 100 and is still working, which is entirely possible after seeing the guys work ethic. So, if you’re a traveler and have the money to do so, I’d say go for it. Check out Jiro’s restaurant and then write to me and tell me how awesome it is. I mean….even Obama went there and ate his sushi. But, if you’re not gonna fly around the world to grab the best sushi meal on the planet….pick up some nice sushi from your local Japanese place, rent ‘Jiro Dreams of Sushi’ on netflix or DVD….and enjoy yourself. Oh yeah….UMAMI.

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Look at that face! Who doesn’t want some Jiro in their life? I really, really hope you check out the film and learn about Jiro and support independent documentaries. It’ll be well worth your time. As always. Be good to yourself. Be good to others. And follow The Golden Rule.

Love: Native Americans

It is hard for me to think of America, the country that I live in, without recalling all that I’ve learned over the years about the Native American people and what we as “Americans” have done to them. Sure, in elementary and high school we are given a broad overview, which doesn’t necessarily highlight the heinous crimes committed, just as young little Germans are given a broad overview of who Hitler was. (To support that last sentence, while spending time in Germany in an adult education course, my instructor, as we discussed WW2, was playing down the atrocities and then told me that ‘Hitler was an Austrian you know’. So, that shows you how instructors are taught to kind of….’brush over’ that little smudge on their countries reputation.) In fact, Adolf Hitler is known to have studied what the United States did to the Native Americans when planning his own genocide. He used it as inspiration. Hmmm….curious. And we’re the good guys. You sure?

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How many Native Americans did our government actually murder, whether directly or indirectly? There’s a wide gap in the estimates that you will find. Some scholars say around 10 million and some people even say upwards of 100 million. I’m apt the believe that the official number is somewhere in the middle of those two. Why? Well because if you have any common sense, you’ll know that history is written by the conquerors. OF COURSE the US Government would play down the official death toll for its beloved citizens. “Oh hunny….we only killed 1 million people. That’s not THAT many. Let’s buy this 500 acre plot of land for .50 cents and open a farm! Yay!’. Either way….we killed tens of millions of native inhabitants just so we could have a home. That’s defined as theft right? And yes, disease, smallpox and plague played into lots of the deaths as well, but those are diseases that Europeans brought with them.

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It’s a difficult topic to research and find solid information on because so much of that information has been buried. Also, Native Americans have an oral tradition so it’s very possible that a lot of the history and knowledge from many past elders has faded with time. Of course, you can do a quick google search on this topic… but there are some very good Native American authors that I’d urge you to read, including Joseph Marshall III and David E. Stannard (though he’s not Native American). Why am I writing about this and why do I even care, being that I’m not Native American? Well….I live in this country. As a citizen I’d like to know the history of the place I call my home. I find the Native American culture fascinating and I believe that their wisdom and teachings are tantamount to succeeding as a person and as a country. I hope to see a day where the U.S. Government and the U.S. President will actually openly apologize to the Native Americans, rather than giving them a cheap and underhanded whiff. Ya know? A real apology…with fanfare, tv specials, ceremonies, charities and large reparations, with suitable and sustainable parcels of their homeland given back to them, with reasonable subsidies given to their families so they can thrive, revive their culture, religion and way of life and not become poverty stricken alcoholics. Our American ancestors were thieves and murderers. We killed their culture, raped and murdered their people, displaced them and destroyed their way of life….for HUNDREDS OF YEARS. We could at least acknowledge it, properly educate ourselves about it and give the remaining Native Americans a large slice of the pie that we’ve been eating for the past 400 years. After all….we stole that pie from them. You might say, ‘Hey…but they’ve got their casino land and are wealthy now….so we’re even’. Come on now hypothetical guy who said that….don’t be foolish.

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I wasn’t there during the colonization of America. I wasn’t involved in the killing of the natives. I didn’t rape and scalp Indians and then murder thousands of buffalos just so the Native Americans would starve. I’m sorry for it. But I wasn’t there. And now….. I enjoy the life that I’ve been raised in and have become accustomed to as an ‘American’. I’m not saying we should demolish all our houses and revert back to the ways that the Native Americans lived (though some of the things that existed in their former lifestyles are very attractive). For one, those of us who come from other countries, however far back the genealogy goes, are not ‘natives’ in America. And two…..once you put milk in the coffee….it’s kind of hard to get it out. So, we can’t just go backwards and change history, however horrible it may be, and live in a world of ‘what if’s’. But what is essential… is to remember what our ancestors did…..understand it, accept it, formulate a better and more respectful way to live…..and move on. Otherwise, we’re doomed to continue dealing with corrupt politicians, a pure profit driven society, oppression, war, famine, a highly stressed out populace and an under educated, short attention spanned, reality-show obsessed culture. Maybe if we had some Native American leaders in political office….things would get better. Philosophies could change. Who knows? It’s worth a shot because as many pro’s as ‘America’ has….the list of con’s has been steadily growing.

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Why do I say we as a people and a country would be doomed? Well….look at it this way. When two people in a marriage have a problem, it gets better and/or goes away once it’s brought out into the open, discussed, and then resolved. When the problem is ignored….or the other persons opinion is rejected or passed over….the problem gets worse, and worse and worse….until there’s a HUGE FIGHT. We’re connected to the Native Americans, whether we think we are or not. And if ‘we’ (the US government….and it’s citizens) don’t fix the problem that ‘we’ created…..it’s going to continue to be a problem. It will be this underlying, spiteful, festering anger…(no matter if another 500 years pass’s before anything proper is done). Call it a Native American curse, call it karma, call it whatever you want….but ya know….fixing the problem….that’s called LOGIC. Maybe our country and even our world is a such a disaster, filled with hatred and injustice, because we can’t mend our root problems? Maybe…just maybe?

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Hey….I’m just a regular white guy with a blog…..but I hope that I’ve struck a chord in some way and have encouraged you to learn more about the Native American people (through books or films or museum visits), to join their cause and/or to amend your attitude about them. They’re a great people with a rich history, in each and every one of their tribes, and they deserve the utmost respect.

Thanks for reading this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. As always….do your best. Be as kind as you can. Follow the Golden Rule. And have a great night.

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Outrageousness: Throwback Thursday

Stop. Please. Just stop it with this Throwback Thursday business. I try my best to have an even keeled blog. I’m well aware that it’s my opinion on things, whether entirely mine or other’s that I’ve sifted through and formulated… but I really do try to be somewhat rational, logical and calm……AND I CAN’T BE WITH THROWBACK THURSDAY!!! Seriously! Stop it. Enough is enough. I don’t care about that picture you took in 1989 with Bo Jackson or that polaroid of you and Aunt Wendy from 1993. I don’t care!! Ya know who should care about that crap? YOU!!! THAT’S IT!! YOU. So stop clogging up my news feed with bullshit!!!

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I’m glad that you’re appreciative of your past, that you want to share in it with your facebook friends and that you’re aware of the passage of time…..BUT STOP IT ALREADY!! You’ve gone too far. I’ve even seen people on facebook doing Flashback Friday!! Oh, so posting 5 old pictures on Throwback Thursday wasn’t enough you narcissistic buffoon? So, you’ve gotta post MORE BULLSHIT for us to look at on friday? Great. Thanks. I couldn’t have gone on with my day without seeing that cute picture of you with your Cousin Tommy when you were 8. I don’t care. No one should care. Except for YOU!!!!! And possibly your family…and maybe your partner/spouse/lover. But that’s it! I don’t really give a flying fuck when I see a picture of you with Louis Gossett Jr. when you met him on the set of Iron Eagle (1986).

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So here’s the deal. STOP BEING A PRETENTIOUS PIECE OF CRAP!!! No one cares!! The only thing that posting a throwback picture does is to enable others into a call to action for them to post their own throwback photos because they think that they’re missing out on some cool fad. But it’s not cool! IT’S FUCKING STUUUUPPPIDDDDDD!! Here’s an idea. Just post photos to your albums if you want us to see them. If I happen to come across your profile and look around at your photos….I’ll click ‘like’ if I like it. You don’t need to THROW IT IN MY FACE!! Here, here, here!!! Look how awesome I am!! I existed in the past!! Isn’t that cooooooll?? I met Bill the hot dog guy at Yankees Stadium in 1971. Isn’t that great!?! It’s thursday. Click ‘like’ now. Now. NOW. NOW!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

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Look…whatever….I’m just being cynical about this whole Throwback Thursday thing. I’m being a bit abrasive……but you know I’m right. And I get it. You’re just having some fun on social networking and have the need to be ‘liked’ by your Facebook peers. Great. Super duper for you. Advice to myself: Stop using Facebook on thursday because it makes me mad. Advice to everyone else: Stop posting so many Throwback Thursday Photos!! God forbid you miss one Throwback Thursday or Flashback Friday. The world will surely crumble if random people don’t see you and your best friend Nishka at the family BBQ in 1974. Welllllll……on the other hand….maybe we want to see that photo. (CLICK HERE FOR RUSSIAN MAIL ORDER BRIDES)

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I hope this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. has entertained and/or enlightened you. As always. Be good to yourself. Be good to others. And if you’re mad…..use a punching bag. Don’t kick the dog. Have a great day!!!…..oh yeah, sorry for cussing so much.

 

Movies: Joe McConnell’s Film School 102

Alrighty then. I shall continue the free filmmaking lessons that I started back in December. If  you haven’t read part 1 HERE IT IS. Films. Movies. Hollywood. Most people think it’s magic to make a movie. Even I still think it’s magic sometimes, and though some facets of filmmaking are very special, I know better than to think that it’s ALL magic. It’s actually just pretty simple stuff that you can learn without taking out a 120K loan to go to film school. Because seriously….who in their right minds wants to do that?

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Ever seen the film Swimming with Sharks (1994)? Or Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder (2008)? Well…..give those a watch. Now, I haven’t worked on 200 million mega-budget Hollywood films, the biggest budget I was ever on I think was about 1/4th of that, but it’s pretty much the same deal every time. Someone/some company has lots of money. They hire producers to control that money in the film production. One of those producers or production managers is very mercurial, frugal and unsympathetic. They, ya know….kinda like having power over others and get off on it. Usually….that’s your boss. And that boss will put you through hell unless you follow the rules, are ALWAYS prepared, bust your ass and never complain. Even when you’re blocking traffic on a dirt road near a swamp and there are 10,000 mosquitos ripping you apart for 16 hours. Don’t complain. Just do it. Even when you have to drive 2hrs roundtrip to the nearest Home Depot and when you return to set they don’t need the materials anymore….so then you drive another 2 hrs roundtrip to return the stuff….but when you get back to set they need you to GO BACK to Home Depot for something else. Don’t complain. Just do it… with a smile on your face.

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The people at the top aren’t always that bad. But….90% of the time someone in the group of investors, executives, producers and managers will be MORE THAN HAPPY to be a dickwad to everyone on set. If you’re lucky….you’ll only get those 10% of the time jobs when EVERYONE IS SUPER COOL. Anywho……What are those rules and ways of being prepared that I mentioned before? Well…it varies depending on your boss, your position and the production that you’re on (because there are no set rules…just general rules) but what I’ve found to be tried and true are these (if you’re working as a PA or anything comparable), ya know…a bottom of the ladder job. 1) Always have some paper on you. A small pad is fine or just some scratch pieces 2) Always have at least 4-5 pens on you. Producers/Production Managers are always on the phone and they’ll snap at you for a pen/paper many times. If you ALWAYS have them ready, you’ll be their best friend…for a couple of minutes. Some people like to have pens, pencils, highlighters and erasers on them (and that’s great!!) but that’s too much for me and it always weighed me down. So….a few pens and you’ll be golden.

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3) Keep your mouth shut. Keep it shut when they’re filming, when they’re rehearsing….hell….JUST KEEP IT SHUT. There will be time to goof off with friends you’ve made on set during lighting set-ups, lunch breaks and general WTF is going on!?! breaks. You’ll slip up for sure…most people on set do. We’re only human. But if you follow that rule 95% of the time you’ll be A-OK. 4) Have a good attitude. I’ve said this before. You don’t have to smile like a retard all the time….but just have an optimistic viewpoint towards the shit-storm of a movie that you’re working on. After all…it’s JUST A MOVIE. 5) This is the one I hate. Always pick up your phone…IMMEDIATELY. It goes without saying that during work hours you need to always answer your texts and calls….but when you’re off…..ANSWER YOUR PHONE. Yes…you just worked a 14 hour day and commuted home and have 8 hours to eat, shave, do your laundry and sleep. And then production calls/texts you. ANSWER IT. I’ve gotten into trouble with this one a lot because I hate cell phones and dig the off-the-grid style….but hey…..answer your phone.

There are certainly other rules…but those will do for now.

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Whatever department you’re in….you’ll start to pick things up pretty quickly. Within 2 weeks to a month of production work, you’ll know more than most people in film school. It’s not really rocket science. Just do what you’re told, learn from your mistakes and anticipate when the demanding actress will want hot jasmine tea before she asks for it…and you’ll have a friend for life. Being on a movie set is kind of like babysitting. If you’ve spent time with kids, you’ll know that they’re selfish. They could be AWESOME kids….but still, they’re selfish. They wanna do what they wanna do. If they don’t get their way they’ll throw a hissy fit and you’ll have to spend 5 minutes talking them down or they’ll go out and randomly hit other kids. That’s like a film set…..just with a bunch of grown ups.

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I hope you’ve enjoyed this M.A.V.B.L.O.G and it’s helped in your film pursuits, your knowledge of the filmmaking process or that it just generally entertained you. As always. Be good to yourself. Be good to others. And have an awesome day!

Love: Where Does Barack Obama Beat Off?

In all seriousness…..where does Barack Obama beat off? Yes, he’s the President of the United States of America. Yes, he’s all powerful. Yes, he’s the King of the World….but he’s just a regular human being. I feel for the guy. Don’t you? I mean, imagine if you were stressed out and wanted to be alone, but you’ve got 10 guys following you around all the time, clearing every room you have to step into, surveilling (audio and/or video) every room that you go into…..you’d have no privacy. How embarrassing would it be to have someone listening to you jerk off, or take a dump…..or have sex with your wife!! Someone is always standing outside of the door incase an emergency arises, so that they can knock or barge in and go, ‘Mr. President….We need you’. How frustrating is that!?! Inevitably some security guy has to be listening in on Barack 24/7 because who knows….a ninja terrorist could thwart all security efforts and try to assassinate him…so they’ve gotta listen! But dammit!! Have some empathy for the guy. He’s gotta wake up early and get briefed on all the worlds daily issues, go to lame ass meeting after meeting, give boring scripted speeches, meet with more people, sit in uncomfortable furniture, act proper all the time, etc. etc. etc,….let the man beat off in peace!!! Come on….look at all these dweebs he’s gotta deal with all day!

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Hey, he did sign up for the job….but I’m sure he didn’t think about how annoying it’d be. Now I fully understand why current and former Presidents keep in touch…..because they’re the ONLY people they can vent to. I can image Barack calling up George W (and you’ve gotta be PREEETTTTYYYY F’IN desperate to turn to George W for advice)……So, George W. answers and says, ‘Well, I’ve been waiting for this call (chuckles)’….and then Barack goes on about how being the President sucks ass!! And that’s when George W. tells Barack that he built a ‘beat off closet’ which is similar to a ‘man cave’ but not really. And he tells Barack where it is and says that he can rename it. So Barack renames it ‘Barry’s Beat Off Closet’ and sneaks away and hides there when he wants to be alone.

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It’s been a really long week. World War III almost began. Some terrorist stole radioactive materials and the US Government lost 20 good Marines preventing a huge disaster from happening. Plus, your wife is mad at you because you forgot your daughters birthday. You think the President gets the chance to sleep in, eat chips and watch movies all morning to unwind? Then walk around the rest of the day in his underwear and listen to Led Zeppelin? Ummm no….probably not. ABSOLUTELY NOT! He can’t just call up his buddy Phil from high school and grab a beer at the local bar and shoot some pool. Sure he can have Phil over at The White House….but The White House is soooo boring!! Look at it. It’s lame! It looks so uncomfortable. And it’s wired and under audio/video surveillance. Maybe he wants to talk to Phil about how much of a dick Joe Biden has been….he can’t just talk about his problems because EVERYONE will know. He can’t go anywhere without a bunch of security goons trailing him around. What if he just wants to go to the beach one day, or he wants to go fishing…alone! Nope. Not gonna happen. Ever.

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Do you think there’s one guy in the Secret Service that is really pulling for Barack? Like….he blocks the other Secret Service guys from annoying him. He says, ‘Come on. Leave Barack alone. The red light is on in the Beat Off Closet. Leave him be.’ And the other guy freaks out, ‘NO!! We need The President. He has to sign (insert stupid approval notice here)’. And the other guy helps again, ‘Come on. He’s been through enough. Barack deserves this time. Let him beat off in peace’. The Secret Service? No. No. No. It’s more like the COCK BLOCK SERVICE!!!! That’s why the President always ages twice as fast as normal while they’re in office. They’re so stressed out because they never have any privacy! Barack probably has screaming fits all the time, ‘I want to watch a Tom Cruise movie!! I still haven’t seen the remake of War of the Worlds!! Please!!! Give me a few hours to myself!!!’

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So, however you feel about the guy…whether you think he’s a good president or a bad one, whether you think he’s a puppet being played by uber-rich corporations, or if he’s the headmaster of the illuminati, or if you think he’s really an alien from the planet Nibiru….he’s still just a guy. Just a regular guy who seems grandiose because he wears fancy suits, is super famous, is the prom king and football jock rolled into one and he’s extremely powerful….doesn’t matter. He’s just a regular dude who wants to beat off, go fishing, watch movies, drink a beer and eat chicken wings……alone!! By himself!! But he never will.

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I’m not saying he’s the greatest President. I’m not saying I care about his policies. Politics is such a joke anyways. What I am saying….is that he’s a human being. He’s not God. He’s just a guy. Like all other guys. And he’s probably got a lot of the same needs as the rest of us. So….think about that the next time you yell at him for not being born in this country.

I hope this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. has made you laugh, enlightened you or brought some joy to your life. As always, be good to yourself, be good to others and be good to animals, plants and all living beings. Even rocks. Have a great day!

 

Love: Vote With Your Dollars

A very wise professor I had in college once said, ‘You vote with your dollars’. Those are simple words that just about sum up the world that we live in and what you can do to change it. Money rules everything. Money wins the presidency. Money gets you out of your DWI arrest. Money helps you get away with murder. Money helps you stay out of jail even though you’re a guilty pedophile. Money can change your image. Money can get your kid on the varsity team. People can do just about anything if they have enough money. The system is flawed. It’s a rigged game. I’ve known this since I was a child that we basically live in a cleverly shrouded feudal system. So, the question always is….what can the little people of the world do? What can a regular person, who seems insignificant, do while facing down giant corporations, powerful politicians and lobbyists and billionaires? Easy. Spend your money wisely. Enjoy your life. And vote with your dollars.

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The rise and fall of little lines on graphs are king. Have a look at the book The Tipping Point and see for yourself. Why did Walmart get so big? Because people kept shopping there…and they KEEP on shopping there. Why did so many McDonald’s open in the last 70 years? Because people kept eating there. You can see where I’m going. It’s very simple. So… if you don’t like something, don’t buy it. You don’t have to stand outside of a fast food joint with a sign that reads, ‘This food is terrible for you and will give you diseases’ to affect change, although sometimes protests do work, if you’re into that sort of thing. But most of the time the people that you’re trying to save/enlighten won’t care…or they won’t believe you because they’re delusional. Don’t fight it too hard. All you gotta do is ignore it. Now, will Walmart fall apart and shut its doors because one person stops shopping there? Probably not. But trends are fleeting. Tides come in and go out. And empires rise and fall. It’s inevitable.

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There are a lot of things in this world that I dislike. Many things, in my opinion, should be banned immediately….but they won’t be because there’s a lot of red tape (politicians, lobbyists, boards of directors, stock options, employers, charity runs, legal fees etc. etc.). But….if the money starts to disappear, the company/product will eventually disappear. You might be saying to yourself, ‘is it really that easy? That’s all I have to do? But I’m mad about (insert issue here) and I want to take a stand!!’. Well, voting with your dollars is taking a stand. Think about it. Let’s use Kraft Easy Mac for example, a product that is SOOO BAD FOR YOU, but I used to LOVE IT in college. Ok. So let’s say that you spend $50 on Easy Mac per month. That’s $600 a year. Not much of a loss for a multi-billion dollar corporation. But let’s say that 100 people are doing what you’re doing….Kraft just took a hit of $60,000. Someone in the chain of command is going to notice that. I mean, that’s a years salary. That could be a lay-off. Then Kraft puts a manager on it and starts conducting some anonymous surveys. Those former easy mac lovers say that they don’t like ‘ingredient x’ in their food…..and eventually Kraft removes that ingredient. Tada! Change… in the form of macaroni and cheese.

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Not very complex stuff…but at the same time IT IS very complex. Once you learn to be conscious of what you’re supporting, whether it be entertainment, politics, cell phone companies, charitable organizations or the foods that you put in your body, you’re empowering yourself to live life on your terms and to make a difference in the world, however large or small that may be. And sometimes…the little people make a larger difference than the super rich. Now there are those that say ‘voting with your dollars’ is terrible advice. But I 100% disagree with that. I’m not telling you what to purchase with your hard earned money….I’m just urging you to be conscious about what you buy, to know where it comes from and what the true repercussions of that dollar spent are. You love fast food and eat it everyday? Well…just as long as you know what you’re doing to your body and the consequences…have at it. Though, I really hope that you’ll be like the residents in Vermont and other parts of the world and put good food into your body.

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It’s a wild world. In many ways it’s a terrible world, but don’t get too cynical. There are many beautiful things still. And yeah, unless you’re a mega-millionaire or billionaire….you might feel like you don’t have any control. But you do. You just gotta calm your mind and look for it. So, with talking about ‘voting with your dollars’…I hope you see the bigger picture. That no matter how small you are….you can make a big difference.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this blog and that it’s improved your life in some way. As always, be good to yourself, speak the truth, be good to others, be good to animals and follow The Golden Rule as best as you can. Have a great day.

 

Outrageousness: Fat People in America

Fat people……it’s a subject I’d been avoiding to put on my blog but I can no longer resist. Why can I not resist? Because people don’t seem to be getting the point. We don’t just have fat people in America. We don’t just have obese people. WE HAVE MONSTERS!!!! Michelle Obama talks about it….so that’s my go ahead, though I’ll probably be a bit harsher than the First Lady.

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All prejudice aside for a moment, yes there are some people who have glandular problems and it’s a little more difficult for them to lose weight. Those people have actual health issues and need an even stricter lifestyle regiment and medication in order to achieve the goal of reducing their size. Years ago, while making fun of fat people, I was rightfully put in my place by a friend who stood up on behalf of a relative who had serious weight & health issues through no fault of their own. I’m sorry for that. I did my research…..I get it now. Not all people are fully in control of how much weight they gain.

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That being said, there are a lot more FAT PEOPLE who are in COMPLETE CONTROL of themselves than those who cannot help being big. These are the types of people who weigh 1,000 lbs. 1,000 pounds!!! At a certain point they lose the ability to walk or even stand up…..so WHO KEEPS BRINGING THEM FOOD!?! Some people actually have the goal of weighing 1,000 pounds. WHAT!?! This world is weird and corrupt and depressing at times….but WHAT!?! That means they knowingly continue eating, because they’re idiots or they think they’re depressed, and they have an enabler that buys them foods and wipes their butts…..because HOW CAN YOU WIPE YOUR ASS WHEN YOU’RE THAT FAT!!!??!!!

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These are the types of plop-bags that I can’t feel empathy for. So, for very large people who want to prevent being said plop-bags… Here’s some advice from a friend of mine. ‘You want to lose weight? EXERCISE!!! AND STOP EATING!!!’. Simple enough, yes? Even for above average people, it’s really not that difficult and you do not need all these silly ‘flavor of the month’ dieting fads. Just exercise more and don’t eat as much and at the same time, eat healthier foods. THAT’S IT!!! At one time in my life I was a little overweight. I had poor eating & exercise habits. In the first week on my new diet I lost 10 lbs and that was without exercise. Do you know what I did? I stopped eating bread, cheese and processed foods and overall… I ate less. In the following weeks I changed my diet even more and began exercising. I then reached my goal of losing 25 lbs. It’s the same if you’re 300 lbs overweight. Eat less. Eat healthier. And exercise. Or else you will look like THIS BLOB.

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Did you know that more than 1/3rd of adults in America are obese? That’s a lot. Why are we so fat? Lots of reasons! Here’s a list of my thoughts on why we’re fat. 1) We eat too much 2) We’re cowards who have such low self-esteem that ANYTHING will set us off and make us go on eating binges. 3) Even if we don’t gorge ourselves, we eat really unhealthy foods (including a lot of fast food). 4) No one walks anywhere. We just drive, drive, drive, which makes us lazy 5) We drink too much SODA!! & eat too many sugared things.

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It’s your choice. If you’re an American you have certain freedoms and you can do what you want. I don’t 100% agree with proposed programs such as former Mayor Bloomberg’s which would limit the size of drinks or foods you’d be allowed to purchase….but I do agree that there are TOO MANY IDIOTS in this country. If collectively, we had more common sense, we’d never put such disgusting things and such copious amounts of disgusting things into our bodies… so making a law about it wouldn’t even be an issue. But it is an issue……because we LOVE BEING FAT IDIOTS.

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Oh the humanity you may say. What would America be without peopleofwalmart.com and big, gross morons to make fun of? I tell you’d what we’d be….WE’D BE AWESOME!!! We’d be a huge country of healthy, amazing and intelligent people that walked everywhere, did GLORIOUS things and left a small footprint for the future generations. You know how many fat people I see when I travel outside of this country? Maybe 1 out of 200. And that ‘fat’ person would fall under our American term of ‘chubby’. You know how many obese people I see when I travel outside of this country? Maybe 1 in 500. Likewise, that obese term is reduced to ‘fat’ in America. I actually didn’t see ONE fat or obese person when I last traveled to Europe. Why are they so skinny? Is it because they’re poor or they don’t have FREEDOM? NO!!! It’s because they’re not halfwits!!! They live close to their job, hence they walk or ride a bike to work instead of driving, they buy healthy & nutritious foods at the store, they eat in small quantities, they socialize more and view meals as a time to enjoy other peoples company rather than a time to EAT EVERYTHING and inhale filthy foods like a vacuum cleaner. Sure they’ve got their fair share of dummies and inept doofus’s too but on the whole it’s a healthier culture….LIKE OURS SHOULD BE.

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To be fair, yes, there are lots of smart, sexy, attractive people in this country that have fantastic eating habits, amazing exercise routines and enjoy life TO THE MAX. I’m not saying that America is devoid of AMAZING PEOPLE. There are just a lot of FAT IDIOTS TOO!! Why am I not afraid of offending people? Because sometimes you just have to PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE in order to get them to change. It’s like when I had a fight with a good friend in the past, she had to get in my face, yell at me and tell me I was a moron because you NEVER TELL A GIRL SHE DOESN’T LOOK GOOD WHEN SHE ASKS YOU, ‘Do I look good in these jeans?’. I learned my lesson. Ladies…you look great in everything you wear.

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Therapists please, stop coddling fat people when they come to your office pretending that they’re depressed. Just tell them that they’d stop being depressed if they STOPPED EATING SO MUCH. There are multitudes of ‘big boned’ people who have a larger body type, who eat healthy and who are totally cool and happy with themselves. Great!! Join me! Join us! Let’s save America from all the gigantic, monster-sized fat people!!

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Like I said earlier, if you can’t do anything about your situation, you just gotta roll with it. I have big feet. I can’t make my feet smaller so I can fit into a size 10 shoe. It is what it is. Some people are big. They’ll always have a big body and be somewhat chubby. Ok. You just gotta be happy with who you are. But it’s a pretty simple concept for those blubbery, monster people out there to grasp. Be healthy. Eat less. Walk more. Exercise more. Drink more water. The world had it’s fun and we don’t want to make fun of you anymore. We want you to be healthy. Look down below and you’ll never overeat again.

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If you’re really, really, really, really fat and you read this…hey the truth hurts. You can change for the better. You’ll be healthier. You’ll have a normal range of motion. You’ll live longer. AND YOU’LL FEEL BETTER. Look….even Jonah Hill got skinnier…..kind of. If you have a fat friend, don’t show them this blog because they’ll get mad at you. Also don’t hang out with them when they invite you out to a fast food death trap such as Taco Bell, Burger King or McDonald’s etc. etc. Maybe you can BUY THEM A SALAD!!!! instead (sorry that was rude). But you’re their friend…you can help them in some way.

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There will always be different shapes of people in this world. And I pray that we can purge America of the army of obese monsters one day. I hope you’ve enjoyed this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. and that it entertained or educated you in some way. As always. Be good to yourself. Be good to others. Be good to animals. Have a great day!