God: There’s more to life than BUTT IMPLANTS!!!

My last M.A.V.B.L.O.G. was about a more serious subject…..so let’s have something funny today. For my first post in the GOD category we will talk about the perplexing trend of…..butt implants.

Imagine that you’re the almighty God. Allah. Buddha. The Great Spirit. The Great Architect. Whatever….you’re it. You’re God. You created the Heavens and the Earth. You created the entire universe. You exist beyond time. You are all knowing and all powerful. You created humans……you probably created dozens of other races as well on different planets, in different galaxies and in different solar systems. So even though you’re all powerful…..maybe you got a little tired and took a vacation. Let’s say you went a million light years away to check on another star system and hang out with some old buddies. Then after about a thousand earth years you said to yourself, ‘Hey let me go see how things are progressing. I bestowed them with so many gifts. They’re bound to be doing something great’.

Ok…so you whisk back to earth to check things out on your creation, human beings. You haven’t been around for 1,000 years….you know there’s bound to be some mistakes….but you know there will be great things too. So you look around…..wow ok. Democratized nations. Clean water. Abundant food in some countries. The discovery of gravity and electricity and the atom. Great!!! The widespread knowledge that the world isn’t flat. Space travel! Education! Advances in science, technology, healthcare and medicine. Wonderful! Hey….there’s still corruption, greed, wars and poverty…..but humans are getting there. Good job, good job. And then you start to look a little closer.

Necrophilia? That still happens? Ugh. Pedophilia? Come on guys I thought we got past that. Politicians and lobbyists and the greedy super rich? Come on people. There’s enough wealth and food and prosperity to go around for everyone in the world. Everyone! Figure it out already. Change the system. I gave you infinite and unlimited brains. Start expanding your minds. Maybe it’ll take another 1,000 years….but I hope it’ll come sooner. Pollution? Really people!? Come on. Don’t you get it? One earth. One! Not two. Fix it……. Plastic surgery? That’s weird. I gave humans everything they needed. Individuality was a gift. I didn’t intend for such widespread insecurity. Wait…..what’s this….. BUTT IMPLANTS!!!!!!! Are you kidding me!!!!??? People put sacks of chemicals in their butts!!!?? Why!!!??? So they can look better?……..and attract sexual partners? Really? Come on……it’s not that hard to attract someone. I gave you pheromones. And brains!!! You can attract someone to have sex with on your own….WITHOUT BUTT IMPLANTS!!! That lady spent her life savings on a butt implant!!! What!!!??? And look….you get old. You get wrinkly. That’s a part of life. Deal with it. You’re only human after all.

…..well what should I do? I mean…..this is very confusing to me. Butt implants!!! Should I just blow them up and start over? I could make a giant tidal wave. But……I don’t want to hit the reset button just yet. And I can’t go killing people who have butt implants. Then it’ll probably get even more popular. And people will start to hate me or not believe in me. Well……I guess I’ll just disappear for another 1,000 years and see what happens. Maybe that will work…………So…….what would you do?

I hope you enjoyed this post. Go online and look up butt implants and watch some interviews of people who get them. It just boggles the mind. I’m all for people having nice butts. It’s great. But come on…..this is just silly. Have a great day and if you like American Football….. enjoy the superbowl!!