Is the NFL rigged?

This is a tough subject to broach for me because I was raised on sports, specifically Football. I was brought up playing football in the backyard, learning the fundamentals of the game, studying the game & religiously watching the NFL. For a better part of my youth, football was #1. As I’d gotten older, I didn’t join the football team in school because it was a big commitment and I was too concerned with drinking beer, playing guitar and hanging out with my friends but…that did not diminish my love of the game. I was elated whenever my team won and brought to tears whenever my team lost, much like other fans. I bought the jerseys. I bought the starter jackets. I was your typical American guy who loved Football. Then something happened….I started using my critical thinking abilities as blatant evidence of corruption in the NFL came to the surface. Now, don’t discount me as a conspiracy theorist just because the title of this blog is ‘Is the NFL rigged?’. After all, it’s posh now to label any critical thinker a conspiracy theorist in order to delegitimize intelligent discourse on a subject and make individuals look ‘crazy’. Do I think the NFL is rigged? No. But I do think it’s unfairly steered towards possible outcomes, giving one team unfair opportunities over another, which in effect is a form of deception for the viewer. So, the NFL is rigged…and it isn’t at the same time.

I’m a Miami Dolphins fan. They’re a bad team. Really bad. I have no delusions that the referees have robbed them of glory. No….they just haven’t put together a cohesive unit of front office staff and players in a long, long, long time. I accept it. Yeah, here and there they get bad calls and maybe a few games could’ve gone their way with better refereeing. But, a team needs to have a certain amount of talent and confidence to maximize on opportunities that are presented to them. Therefore, my review of this is somewhat impartial because my favorite team does not come into the fold here. For the past 2 decades they’ve been a bi-polar team that can’t get their shit together which is why they always lose. So, I’m able to sit back and watch other people’s favorite teams as they play because well…my favorite team sucks. I’m an athlete too. Sometimes people are just better than you. If you realize that on the field, you can realize that when you watch games. You can tell when it’s genuine talent…and you can tell when something is….’off’. I also work in the entertainment industry. I know that 90% of reality shows are fake because I’ve worked on some of them. Some people still think they’re real, which is mind boggling. I also see how big money and the people who control that big money dictate EVERYTHING that happens on a film or television show. You mess with the money people, you get fired. It’s happened to me. I’ve stood up to Executive Producers who were mistreating their employees and I’ve been fired for it. It’s simple. It’s about money. Whoever has the money….has the power to do whatever they damn please. I’ve witnessed Producers breaking and entering, stealing company documents and being arrested for it….and then promptly being released from custody because they made a nice donation to the local police force. Yes….if you have money. You can do anything. You know how much football brings in, officially, not counting the gambling that takes place in Vegas?…..about 13+ Billion a year. Yup. BILLION. So….yeah. Put two and two together. It’s simple math. Money corrupts. Money rules. Keep that in mind.

For non-football fans and football fans here are some simple facts that are available for everyone to see if they’re willing to research it….and also they’re brilliantly covered by author Brian Tuohy in his book, ‘The Fix Is In: The Showbiz Manipulations of the NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL & NASCAR’. 1. In 2010 a U.S. Judge essentially said to a season ticket holder who’d filed a lawsuit regarding fairness in the NFL that….the customer was entitled to entertainment and provided with entertainment by the NFL. Period. End of law suit. So, viewers are entitled to entertainment…..not fairness and integrity. RED FLAG. 2. The NFL is a 13+ Billion a year industry that typically sees teams with the highest ratings enter into the Playoffs & Superbowl. Why might you think? Well, all of the owners share in the overall profits so it’s beneficial for them that the most popular teams, in any given year, have the best opportunities to make it to the playoffs. Ya know, because…..that means more money for the billionaires….cause they need it of course. RED FLAG. 3. Whether they did it or not, several teams (most notably The Patriots in recent times) have been accused of cheating. Merely the fact of a case like that being so public and getting investigated gives some validity to it, regardless of how minimal or severe the cheating was. And oh yeah….the commissioner of the NFL destroyed the evidence during the Spygate investigations. Why would you destroy evidence after already admitting guilt? Usually, you’d provide that evidence to other parties to review….especially when a US Senator asks to see that evidence. Was it because…I dunno…maybe that evidence, if brought to light, would eventually leak to the general public, effectively destroying fans confidence in the sport they so adore….leading to a mass exodus of viewership and a huge loss of revenue? HUGE RED FLAG4. NFL off the field shenanigans are typically covered up. So, why is it that famous players like Tom Brady, accused of cheating, and Ben Roehtlisberger, accused of rape, are still playing after having minimal suspensions and fines while someone like Josh Gordon gets a 1 year suspension for drinking a few beers? Is it because he’s a mostly unknown black player and not a famous white quarterback? Seems like complete BS to me. And there are plenty of these examples. RED FLAG. 5. The only thing that needs to happen to turn a game around is a call by a referee. How many bad calls have you witnessed? How many times have games turned around because of bad calls? Last night in the Superbowl, the Patriots were kept alive for 3 consecutive drives because of bad calls. It was pretty obvious that the NFL wanted them to come back from the huge deficit, which they did…..and they won. Of course, you’d have to be brain dead to not realize that referees decide who wins….pretty much every time….unless the team sucks like the Dolphins. No amount of bad officiating can help bad teams. But good teams? Yeah, the refs can help them by presenting them with opportunities. They do it incessantly. RED FLAG6. Here’s probably the biggest one of them all. Some players are starting to question the system of the NFL and how things actually work. Ray Lewis was a superstar during his playing days….and even HE thinks something is rotten in Denmark. I’m sure he’s not the only one questioning the validity of the ‘sport’ that they play. Most people won’t speak up because…..they don’t want to lose their jobs. It’s all about money. ENORMOUS RED FLAG7. Lastly, if one has a modicum of strategic football knowledge, they’d realize that lots of integral play calls & strategies are total BS and coaches must be on the take. For example, last night when the coach of the Falcons was up by 25 points and didn’t ‘run the clock out’ by running the football. The game was effectively over. He could’ve run the clock out. If the Falcons had utilized the full 40 seconds of each play, there was no possible way for the Patriots to come back. I’m no sports genius but….you’re telling me that a professional coach, with a talented team, who made it to the SuperBowl, who’d utilized fundamental football knowledge all year….transformed into the mentality of a 10 year old amateur playing a Madden Football video game? No. Not possible. HUGE RED FLAG. It’d be like if your best friend and your mom told you that your husband is cheating, you found a strange woman’s name pop up on his phone, he hasn’t come home on Saturday’s in 3 months, he starts working out and buying new clothes, you find condom wrappers in his car, you find sexting pictures in his e-mail account, you find an un-mailed letter to a chick named Rachel AND you find a video of him having sex with Rachel on his phone. Now….if he says to you, ‘No babe. I’m not having an affair’ are you going to believe him? Or are you going to believe the MOUNTAIN of evidence before you?……..

Say what you will. Think what you’ll think. I’m a pretty practical person. The evidence is there. It’s really, really, really simple. Just like when there are enough red flags in a relationship, in a business arrangement or in a work environment….you realize it, say this isn’t right for me and move on. Look, it’s sad man. It’s really sad to accept that the NFL is bogus. It’s an American pastime and a childhood pastime for many people, including myself. But the fact that you have an attachment to something and vehemently believe that it should be fair….doesn’t make it fair. Most of the people arguing that it’s fair….are people WHO WORK FOR THE NFL or many of their subsidiaries. And then your buddies that you argue about this with are people who are blinded by their love for the game, listen to opinions of professionals (who work for the NFL) and are unwilling to admit that something is wrong. I still love the game. I really do….but it’s not a fair contest in any way shape or form. That’s reality. When the only thing that needs to happen in order to change the momentum in a game from one team to the other, is a bad call by a referee or a series of bad calls, that means that the opportunity for manipulation exists. If you watch enough games, like I have, you’ll notice that that ability to manipulate momentum and the outcomes of games is utilized by referees. Those are employees of the NFL. They want to keep their job, so they do what they’re told by the people in charge, ie the owners and the commissioner. The wealthy people. That’s corruption in a nutshell. Of course, Peyton Manning, Russell Wilson, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, Joe Flacco etc. are all exceptional athletes but the reason that they won Superbowl’s wasn’t just because they’re high caliber players and their teams are good. It’s a combination of their teams being talented, their teams being popular with fans at the time (in a good or bad way), their teams bringing in large revenues & having an interesting storyline that the NFL can latch on to.

Do you know that the NFL makes more money than many countries around the world? A game! A fucking game makes more money than a country….does that not bother anyone? Ya know how there’s always corruption in government? Well, the NFL is bigger than many governments. You think it’s not rife with corruption? The only way that things will change in the NFL is if fans boycott the sport and protest, just as they do against governments…because the NFL is as big as a government. I really wanted Tom Brady to win the first time and I’m happy he did. But the Tuck Rule was a joke and it wasn’t fair to the Raiders. If the NFL were fair Belichick and Brady should’ve been suspended for a year or longer for Spygate. Instead, someone like Sean Peyton gets the book tossed at him and is banned for a year for doing something that used to be pretty commonplace in the NFL. If the NFL were fair and had a high level of integrity there wouldn’t be constant accusations of cheating from one team to the next, off-field abuse that is covered up, reports of NFL veterans not being supported when they become ill, and a mass of rules and obstructions put down on the players, on and off the field, for playing a GAME that’s supposed to be FUN. It’s not a game anymore….it’s a business. A business that is as large as a government. That’s all. Owners make the money. Players take the risks. The refs are on-field Gods. And the outcome is always about how to maximize profits. There are good teams. There are bad teams. There are great players. But…it’s all maneuvered in a certain direction. What direction is that? Money. Money is the direction. So, be happy for your team. Be happy for your favorite player if they amass wins and records. But please realize….it’s all bogus. Just like wrestling, reality shows or your favorite movie. It’s an entertainment business. That’s it. You want to watch a sport with some integrity and fairness in the outcome? Go watch some high school games. Watch community intramural sports, some street ball or a small market team. That’s where you’ll get fairness….and that’s where you’ll actually have some fun as opposed the robotic ritual of overspending your hard earned money on tickets, apparel, drinks & cable packages that the NFL offers. Small market teams are cheaper too…and you won’t have to wait for commercial breaks.

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In conclusion, No….the NFL is not 100% rigged….but it is highly manipulated, which is pretty much the same thing. I love football. I adore the sport. That’s why I don’t support the NFL and only happen to watch games here or there. Because it’s not football anymore. It’s corrupt. And worst of all…..it’s really boring. I like real football, where the game means something. And until the NFL becomes real football….I won’t waste my money. I haven’t spent a dime on the NFL in years and I will continue to just that. True, I did get caught up last night in the SuperBowl but then after witnessing the constant hypocrisy and completion of the year-long promoted storyline..I remembered, oh…nothing has changed, the NFL is still blatantly unfair and not a genuine contest of physical and mental prowess….it’s a contest of clever rich people that are duping and manipulating regular folks into handing over their hard earned cash. So stop letting the NFL tug at your heart strings, take your money and cheat on you with a bimbo named Rachel. Empower yourself and do something better with your time and your paycheck.

I hope that you’ve enjoyed this post and that it’s in some way added to your knowledge base and your life in a positive way. As always. Do you best. Be kind to yourself. To your neighbors. And to animals and plants alike. And Follow The Golden Rule as best as you can.

‘Merica banning Kratom

Every so often I say to myself, ‘America ain’t so bad. This country has some good things about it. And I’m happy to be an American’…..and then something like the DEA’s asinine proposed ban of Kratom happens. One can argue that it’s our bureaucracy, there’s a lot of red tape, it has to be researched, things take time to process yada yada yada….or if you have half a brain you can realize that sometimes it’s just pure bullshit, as in this case. While we’re at it, why don’t we ban sugar for making children hyper? Or ban coffee for keeping people awake? Or ban toothbrushes for making peoples gums bleed? Our country has a drug problem, right? Heroin has exploded onto the streets in the past half decade. Lots of people are ruining their lives & spending exorbitant amounts of money on the drug. The jails continue to be filled because we do not have competent rehabilitation programs or social programs that rationally deal with the issue (like in the Netherlands). Our government runs the ‘War on Drugs’ right? So, how is that going? Have the drug rates gone down recently because of that ‘War’? No? Oh, the drug rates have skyrocketed you say? So, the ‘War on Drugs’ is ineffective and now the DEA is deciding to ban a harmless plant that many former heroin addicts have been using to kick their opiate abuse during a time when we are supposedly trying to get people OFF of heroin? Sounds logical to me…..if you’re a moron or a psychopath. Kratom has been around for a long, long time. It’s a tree. Societies have known about it and used it in the past. This knowledge is available to any academic working within our current system. This ban is NOT in the interest of public safety.

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So, what’s the deal with Kratom? It’s relatively cheap. It helps with opiate addiction, anxiety, immune function and chronic pain. You can drink it in tea or take it in a capsule form. And….wait for it….it’s something that actually helps people. And it doesn’t have a stamp of approval from the FDA because you can’t patent it. It’s a plant. It’s all natural. Just like Cannabis. Does it make you high? No, it gives you a little buzz like when you drink coffee. That’s it. I’ve used Kratom dozens of times. I initially tried it about a year ago and quickly realized it’s benefits. It helped me greatly with my chronic back pain and my anxiety. I didn’t take Kratom very often, maybe once or twice a week. But it helped me a lot. I never had any adverse effects. I never became addicted to it. And it never made me violent or unstable (Lord knows what the pencil pushers at the DEA are saying it does to people). I’m not even angry for myself in this instance. I could go through life not doing Kratom again and I’d be ok with that. It’d be a bummer when I need it for pain control because I’m not going to take pharmaceutical drugs. But, I’d deal with it. What I am angry about…is the other GREAT people I met throughout this past year who were using Kratom to defeat their addictions. Good people. Regular people who have kids, and jobs, and families that were using Kratom to beat their Heroin addiction or Alcohol addiction or Cigarette addiction. That’s not so bad, right? These are good, non-violent, non-aggressive people who live and work and pay their taxes in this broken system we have. And what do you do for them as their ‘Big Brother Government’? You shit on them….yet again.

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Ya know….whatever is going to happen to this joke of a society that we have called the USA is going to happen. But if the government continues to piss off its citizens and take away rights, privileges and the ability to think for ourselves….bad things are going to happen much quicker and in greater frequency. There will be more protests. There will be more riots. People will accept that their government isn’t here to work FOR them, they’ll realize that their government is here to work AGAINST them in whatever way possible as long as their chosen representatives continue to kiss the asses of special interests and corporations that give them fat paychecks. ‘Oh, it’s just Kratom Joe. Calm down. It’s not the end of the world’. No, it IS the end of the world if you keep letting your rights get taken away. It IS the end of the world if people keep putting their own selfish goals before the goals of the world community. It IS the end of the world if you choose to remain blind to the corruption that exists. Integrity, not money and power, is the constant in this universe. My grandmother fled her home country of Austria during WW2 because the Nazi’s took over. Her rights were taken away even though she was a special Aryan Christian ‘blonde hair blue eyed’ girl that Hitler loved. She told me of the similarities between the rise of Nazi Europe and what has happened in this country since the year 2000. We, as citizens of the USA, may all be screwed. But you’ve gotta fight back in some way. Even if it’s for something as small as Kratom. It’s an herb that helps people with their problems. And it doesn’t impede on the rights of anyone else. It only impedes on the rights of lobbyists and sycophants to give or get their next juicy, bonus paycheck. This is not a conspiracy theory. If you know anything about how our system in the USA works. It’s logic. So, if you care about this issue like I and many others do. If you care about the bogus marijuana issue that’s gone on for decades. If you’re sick of being treated like a 5 year old in pre-school….write & call your state representatives, government representatives, the president & anyone in a position of power that you can annoy….ANNOY THEM. Don’t fight them. In the end, no one wins in a fight. Just be a pain in their ass. There are some Congressman that are trying to help….but they need citizens to get behind them as well. Want to do something about this infringement upon our rights as human beings? Click here and get involved. It’s very simple. Write an e-mail. Write a letter. Make a couple phone calls. Spread the word. You might not need Kratom but others do. And one day it may be something simple that you enjoy, like coffee, or alcohol or tobacco…or even Skittles that gets taken away. So, if you want to keep your rights….help others keep theirs too.

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Thanks for reading! I hope this has enlightened you to this issue or improved upon your life in some way. As always. Do your best. Be good to yourself and others. And follow The Golden Rule.

 

Throwback Thursday…enough!

Stop. Please. Just stop it with this Throwback Thursday business. I try my best to have an even keeled blog. I’m well aware that it’s my opinion on things, whether entirely mine or other’s that I’ve sifted through and formulated… but I really do try to be somewhat rational, logical and calm……AND I CAN’T BE WITH THROWBACK THURSDAY!!! Seriously! Stop it. Enough is enough. I don’t care about that picture you took in 1989 with Bo Jackson or that polaroid of you and Aunt Wendy from 1993. I don’t care!! Ya know who should care about that crap? YOU!!! THAT’S IT!! YOU. So stop clogging up my news feed with bullshit!!!

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I’m glad that you’re appreciative of your past, that you want to share in it with your facebook friends and that you’re aware of the passage of time…..BUT STOP IT ALREADY!! You’ve gone too far. I’ve even seen people on facebook doing Flashback Friday!! Oh, so posting 5 old pictures on Throwback Thursday wasn’t enough you narcissistic buffoon? So, you’ve gotta post MORE BULLSHIT for us to look at on friday? Great. Thanks. I couldn’t have gone on with my day without seeing that cute picture of you with your Cousin Tommy when you were 8. I don’t care. No one should care. Except for YOU!!!!! And possibly your family…and maybe your partner/spouse/lover. But that’s it! I don’t really give a flying fuck when I see a picture of you with Louis Gossett Jr. when you met him on the set of Iron Eagle (1986).

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So here’s the deal. STOP BEING A PRETENTIOUS PIECE OF CRAP!!! No one cares!! The only thing that posting a throwback picture does is to enable others into a call to action for them to post their own throwback photos because they think that they’re missing out on some cool fad. But it’s not cool! IT’S FUCKING STUUUUPPPIDDDDDD!! Here’s an idea. Just post photos to your albums if you want us to see them. If I happen to come across your profile and look around at your photos….I’ll click ‘like’ if I like it. You don’t need to THROW IT IN MY FACE!! Here, here, here!!! Look how awesome I am!! I existed in the past!! Isn’t that cooooooll?? I met Bill the hot dog guy at Yankees Stadium in 1971. Isn’t that great!?! It’s thursday. Click ‘like’ now. Now. NOW. NOW!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

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Look…whatever….I’m just being cynical about this whole Throwback Thursday thing. I’m being a bit abrasive……but you know I’m right. And I get it. You’re just having some fun on social networking and have the need to be ‘liked’ by your Facebook peers. Great. Super duper for you. Advice to myself: Stop using Facebook on thursday because it makes me mad. Advice to everyone else: Stop posting so many Throwback Thursday Photos!! God forbid you miss one Throwback Thursday or Flashback Friday. The world will surely crumble if random people don’t see you and your best friend Nishka at the family BBQ in 1974. Welllllll……on the other hand….maybe we want to see that photo. (CLICK HERE FOR RUSSIAN MAIL ORDER BRIDES)

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I hope this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. has entertained and/or enlightened you. As always. Be good to yourself. Be good to others. And if you’re mad…..use a punching bag. Don’t kick the dog. Have a great day!!!…..oh yeah, sorry for cussing so much.

 

Fat People in America

Fat people……it’s a subject I’d been avoiding to put on my blog but I can no longer resist. Why can I not resist? Because people don’t seem to be getting the point. We don’t just have fat people in America. We don’t just have obese people. WE HAVE MONSTERS!!!! Michelle Obama talks about it….so that’s my go ahead, though I’ll probably be a bit harsher than the First Lady.

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All prejudice aside for a moment, yes there are some people who have glandular problems and it’s a little more difficult for them to lose weight. Those people have actual health issues and need an even stricter lifestyle regiment and medication in order to achieve the goal of reducing their size. Years ago, while making fun of fat people, I was rightfully put in my place by a friend who stood up on behalf of a relative who had serious weight & health issues through no fault of their own. I’m sorry for that. I did my research…..I get it now. Not all people are fully in control of how much weight they gain.

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That being said, there are a lot more FAT PEOPLE who are in COMPLETE CONTROL of themselves than those who cannot help being big. These are the types of people who weigh 1,000 lbs. 1,000 pounds!!! At a certain point they lose the ability to walk or even stand up…..so WHO KEEPS BRINGING THEM FOOD!?! Some people actually have the goal of weighing 1,000 pounds. WHAT!?! This world is weird and corrupt and depressing at times….but WHAT!?! That means they knowingly continue eating, because they’re idiots or they think they’re depressed, and they have an enabler that buys them foods and wipes their butts…..because HOW CAN YOU WIPE YOUR ASS WHEN YOU’RE THAT FAT!!!??!!!

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These are the types of plop-bags that I can’t feel empathy for. So, for very large people who want to prevent being said plop-bags… Here’s some advice from a friend of mine. ‘You want to lose weight? EXERCISE!!! AND STOP EATING!!!’. Simple enough, yes? Even for above average people, it’s really not that difficult and you do not need all these silly ‘flavor of the month’ dieting fads. Just exercise more and don’t eat as much and at the same time, eat healthier foods. THAT’S IT!!! At one time in my life I was a little overweight. I had poor eating & exercise habits. In the first week on my new diet I lost 10 lbs and that was without exercise. Do you know what I did? I stopped eating bread, cheese and processed foods and overall… I ate less. In the following weeks I changed my diet even more and began exercising. I then reached my goal of losing 25 lbs. It’s the same if you’re 300 lbs overweight. Eat less. Eat healthier. And exercise. Or else you will look like THIS BLOB.

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Did you know that more than 1/3rd of adults in America are obese? That’s a lot. Why are we so fat? Lots of reasons! Here’s a list of my thoughts on why we’re fat. 1) We eat too much 2) We’re cowards who have such low self-esteem that ANYTHING will set us off and make us go on eating binges. 3) Even if we don’t gorge ourselves, we eat really unhealthy foods (including a lot of fast food). 4) No one walks anywhere. We just drive, drive, drive, which makes us lazy 5) We drink too much SODA!! & eat too many sugared things.

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It’s your choice. If you’re an American you have certain freedoms and you can do what you want. I don’t 100% agree with proposed programs such as former Mayor Bloomberg’s which would limit the size of drinks or foods you’d be allowed to purchase….but I do agree that there are TOO MANY IDIOTS in this country. If collectively, we had more common sense, we’d never put such disgusting things and such copious amounts of disgusting things into our bodies… so making a law about it wouldn’t even be an issue. But it is an issue……because we LOVE BEING FAT IDIOTS.

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Oh the humanity you may say. What would America be without peopleofwalmart.com and big, gross morons to make fun of? I tell you’d what we’d be….WE’D BE AWESOME!!! We’d be a huge country of healthy, amazing and intelligent people that walked everywhere, did GLORIOUS things and left a small footprint for the future generations. You know how many fat people I see when I travel outside of this country? Maybe 1 out of 200. And that ‘fat’ person would fall under our American term of ‘chubby’. You know how many obese people I see when I travel outside of this country? Maybe 1 in 500. Likewise, that obese term is reduced to ‘fat’ in America. I actually didn’t see ONE fat or obese person when I last traveled to Europe. Why are they so skinny? Is it because they’re poor or they don’t have FREEDOM? NO!!! It’s because they’re not halfwits!!! They live close to their job, hence they walk or ride a bike to work instead of driving, they buy healthy & nutritious foods at the store, they eat in small quantities, they socialize more and view meals as a time to enjoy other peoples company rather than a time to EAT EVERYTHING and inhale filthy foods like a vacuum cleaner. Sure they’ve got their fair share of dummies and inept doofus’s too but on the whole it’s a healthier culture….LIKE OURS SHOULD BE.

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To be fair, yes, there are lots of smart, sexy, attractive people in this country that have fantastic eating habits, amazing exercise routines and enjoy life TO THE MAX. I’m not saying that America is devoid of AMAZING PEOPLE. There are just a lot of FAT IDIOTS TOO!! Why am I not afraid of offending people? Because sometimes you just have to PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE in order to get them to change. It’s like when I had a fight with a good friend in the past, she had to get in my face, yell at me and tell me I was a moron because you NEVER TELL A GIRL SHE DOESN’T LOOK GOOD WHEN SHE ASKS YOU, ‘Do I look good in these jeans?’. I learned my lesson. Ladies…you look great in everything you wear.

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Therapists please, stop coddling fat people when they come to your office pretending that they’re depressed. Just tell them that they’d stop being depressed if they STOPPED EATING SO MUCH. There are multitudes of ‘big boned’ people who have a larger body type, who eat healthy and who are totally cool and happy with themselves. Great!! Join me! Join us! Let’s save America from all the gigantic, monster-sized fat people!!

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Like I said earlier, if you can’t do anything about your situation, you just gotta roll with it. I have big feet. I can’t make my feet smaller so I can fit into a size 10 shoe. It is what it is. Some people are big. They’ll always have a big body and be somewhat chubby. Ok. You just gotta be happy with who you are. But it’s a pretty simple concept for those blubbery, monster people out there to grasp. Be healthy. Eat less. Walk more. Exercise more. Drink more water. The world had it’s fun and we don’t want to make fun of you anymore. We want you to be healthy. Look down below and you’ll never overeat again.

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If you’re really, really, really, really fat and you read this…hey the truth hurts. You can change for the better. You’ll be healthier. You’ll have a normal range of motion. You’ll live longer. AND YOU’LL FEEL BETTER. Look….even Jonah Hill got skinnier…..kind of. If you have a fat friend, don’t show them this blog because they’ll get mad at you. Also don’t hang out with them when they invite you out to a fast food death trap such as Taco Bell, Burger King or McDonald’s etc. etc. Maybe you can BUY THEM A SALAD!!!! instead (sorry that was rude). But you’re their friend…you can help them in some way.

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There will always be different shapes of people in this world. And I pray that we can purge America of the army of obese monsters one day. I hope you’ve enjoyed this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. and that it entertained or educated you in some way. As always. Be good to yourself. Be good to others. Be good to animals. Have a great day!

Asheville is not Shangri-la

Have you heard the stories about Asheville, North Carolina? That it’s heaven on earth. That it’s the greatest city in America. That it’s one of the greatest cities in the world. Is that what you’ve heard? Well……it’s what I was told for years. Every person I talked to would rave about Asheville. Friends, colleagues, random acquaintances, people in health food stores, people in bars etc. etc.. It was as if this was the best kept secret in the world. And the question was….when will you go to Asheville?

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After years of hearing these amazing reviews……I decided that it was time to go. A friend and I had the opportunity…..so we went. We were SOOOOO EXCITED!!! All the stories. Great bars. Great people. Great air. Great scenery. Farm houses in the middle of the city with chickens running around. People growing their own vegetables. A super sustainable city of the future. So on we went. We parked the car and started walking.

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We saw the city hall, a fountain, some churches, some side streets with shops. Ok. Cool. We didn’t find the magic everyone was talking about…..but ok. So we decided to grab a couple of beers at a bar downtown. There we sat….trying to get our bearings and figure out if we were missing anything. After being accosted by about a half dozen homeless people pan handling for money, we began talking to a local at the bar. He said to us, ‘You’re pretty much doing the best thing in Asheville. Sit around, drink….and look at cars drive by’. Interesting……THAT’S THE BEST THING TO DO IN ASHEVILLE!!!!???!!!! Wow. The people telling me about this place must have been drinking some good kool-aid if that is true.

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This local went on to tell us that it’s legal to walk around topless in Asheville. So…ladies can walk around with their boobs hanging out. COOL. But he then said that it’s not that cool…..because old fat homeless women are usually the only ones taking advantage of this law. Eeesh. Nothing against old fat homeless women….but I understand how that could be unappealing.

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Alright….so we picked up and walked around some more. We had some food. Then wandered over to the River Arts District. Everyone said it was amazing so we had to go. Naturally, we were curious. Maybe this is where the magic of Asheville was. And again…..no magic. It was a tiny group of buildings with a few sculptures lying around.

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There was a little brewery/bar in back that was decent…..if you like drinking beer in a dirt yard while looking at train tracks. Having grown up in the hick-town of Washingtonville, New York…..naturally I thought that it was pretty cool….because that’s what I did when I was a teenager. And then we saw a pitiful, saggy, tattooed drunken woman who was babysitting an infant…. AN INFANT….at this bar. When asked the baby’s name she replied, ‘Oh man….I don’t know’. Either she was too drunk to remember, she legitimately didn’t know….or she kidnapped the child. WTF!!!

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A couple more hours of walking. A few more bars. Some side streets that looked like downtown Newark, New Jersey….and then I was officially jaded (not that I wasn’t jaded before….I was still looking for the MAGIC OF ASHEVILLE). So here’s the deal (for people who believe the stories). Asheville is no where special. It’s just a place on a map. The parks are small….and dirty. The shops are ok…not too different from any funky little hippie town shops. The bars are decent…some are cool. It’s not especially cheap. The drink of choice is PBR and the style of choice is HIPSTER. There are no jobs to be had unless you work in a hospital (from what I gathered talking to locals). There is an over-saturation of bums who pan handle by day and go live in the mountains at night (I was accosted more than a normal day in New York City). The cops hassle people too much (according to locals). There are a bunch of empty lots with graffiti. There are some mountains nearby to hike on….but they’re really not that impressive. And that’s that. Did you know that gay whales take it in the ass?

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Later, after my dream-like vision was shattered, I realized that Asheville is pretty cool….IN CONTEXT. It’s a progressive city….FOR NORTH CAROLINA. It’s not Shangri-la. Not even close. If I went there with the mindset of, ‘hey I’m going somewhere new’…it would have been a much more enjoyable time than with the mindset of, ‘this is going to be heaven on earth’. I plan on visiting again and giving Asheville another chance. After all…..who doesn’t enjoy empty lots that say UP DA PUNX!?!

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To me….Asheville seemed like the perfect place for people to go if they were on the verge of being homeless. It’s where you go to live when you’ve given up all hope and just want to give it one last shot. Will visiting again with a new mindset change that opinion? I sure hope so. And I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings Asheville….but you’re really not heaven on earth. Either that…..or I’m missing something and didn’t find the MAGIIIIIICCCCC OF ASSSHHHEEVVIIILLLLLEEEE. It was a weekday when I visited and I really do need to see it on a weekend. But as the seasoned local told me…..the best thing to do in Asheville is sit around, drink and watch cars pass by.

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I hope you’ve enjoyed this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. and as always, be good to yourself, be good to others that you encounter & be respectful.

Stronger than the Storm

This is by far the stupidest and most moronic slogan of our times in the USA. If you’re not familiar with it, ‘Stronger than the Storm’ is an asinine platform/slogan/song which represents that ‘the people of New Jersey’ (who live on or near the jersey shore) are ‘stronger’ than the ‘storm’ (Hurricane Sandy). As if Hurricane Sandy was a conscious entity who malevolently targeted the Northeastern United States!!! This platform is completely outrageous and implies that ‘the people’ are going to ‘rise up’ against Hurricane Sandy’s blatant aggression towards us!!! News flash!! It’s a hurricane. It’s not conscious. It’s a weather patten. Shit happens!

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I’m not insensitive to the horrendous destruction caused by Hurricane Sandy. I was directly affected by the storm. My family and friends were directly affected by the storm and suffered lots of damage to their properties. My entire street had downed trees, loss of power, trees crashing into people’s houses, flooded cars etc. etc. It was a terrifying experience watching home after home being washed away in person and on television. If you were in the Northeastern USA at the time….you know how devastating it was. And it still is a horrible experience trying to get reasonable assistance from insurance companies and our government (but that is a topic for another M.A.V.B.L.O.G). Regardless of that, ‘Stronger than the Storm’ is moronic. Here are the lyrics from the 30 second commercial spot

‘It’s in our blood. Our DNA. It’s who we are. We’re here to stay. Cuz we’re stronger than the storm. Woooaaaahhh. We’re stronger than the storm’

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Do I want people to assist one another in rebuilding? Yes. Do I applaud people who volunteer and give to charities in assistance of displaced families, business’s etc. etc. ? Yes. Do I agree that Hurricane Sandy was extremely destructive? Yes. But I disagree with the witless and brainless platform of ‘Stronger than the Storm’. We Americans might as well just wear a sign on our chest that says ‘We’re morons!’. It wasn’t a war. Hurricane Sandy wasn’t a terrorist. It was a damn hurricane!!

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As an American, who was affected by Hurricane Sandy, I would have liked to see a reasonable slogan hit the airwaves. Some do exist such as ‘Jersey Strong’. Great. That’s wonderful. It implies that ‘I’m from New Jersey. I’m strong. And I’m determined to help rebuild after the hurricane’. Wonderful platform. What does ‘Stronger than the Storm’ imply? It implies that we were attacked by Hurricane Sandy. It destroyed us. But we’re still stronger than it. And we’re gonna show that storm!!! We’re gonna rebuild in spite of that storm!! As if Hurricane Sandy even cares!!!

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Now…ok fine. To be fair amidst my frustration, the governments of the world have done some whacky experiments over the years with weather modification, even going back to WW2….and maybe earlier. So….perhaps it’s possible that Hurricane Sandy was created and sent to the USA as a sort of bomb, which means that either another government sent it to us, or some rogue organization OR…. which is even scarier, WE sent it to destroy our own country! Being that the USA is the most powerful country in the world, if weather modification did exist, we would have it!! Maybe Obama did it! Maybe some double agent in the CIA did it. Maaayyybbeee an American Senator who brokered a deal with an Australian scientist created the storm!!! It’d be a great plot for a movie! But that type of stuff doesn’t matter to us regular folks who don’t have top government security clearances. All we know……..is that there was a big hurricane that devastated the North East. People died. Homes were destroyed. Buildings were crushed. Lives were ruined. That’s it.

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I’m not mad at people for donating their time and money to a benevolent cause. I’m mad that a simple slogan, which obviously a lot of time and effort, from a lot of people, went into choosing it, makes us (Americans) look like morons. So I propose that we adopt a new platform and slogan, which sums up what happened very concisely and more appropriately…….

‘Shit happens….Let’s rebuild’.

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I hope you’ve enjoyed this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. As always. Be good to yourself. Be good to all those you encounter. And have a nice day. Oh….and here’s some President Obama for ya. BOOYEAH!!!

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Too much Porn!

Alright look…..I’m a heterosexual male. I like girls. I’m not going to be all proper today and beat around the bush like our politically correct and conservative society. I’m attracted to women. They’re hot!! They get me going.  And….we’re all human. We have sexual desires and needs. When I’m with someone who’s compatible to me….great!! Those desires and needs can be met, mutually. When I’m not with someone….fine, whatever. No biggie.

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So, I may take care of things if I’m not in a relationship just like Ernest Borgnine does. But HOLY CRAP……….There’s really WAY TOO MUCH PORN out in the world!!! I remember being a young teenager with a dial-up internet connection, waiting about 15 minutes to download a naked picture of Jenna Jameson…. and I was thrilled!! Now, legions of horny kids have it SOOOO EASY. And shit!!! It must be confusing for them. I mean, it’s confusing for me too!!! Even Porn Legend Ron Jeremy looks confused!!

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When you go online to look up some naked people having sex there’s a bazillion categories. Orgies, Black on White, White on Black, Grandma Sex, Teacher Sex, Babysitters, Girl on Girl, 3 guys 1 girl, 4 girls 1 guy, College Kids, Stripper Parties, Beach Parties, Twister Games, Fetish, S & M, Hardcore……and I even found DINOSAUR SEX ONCE!!! WTF!!!??? I mean good lord in heaven!!! What has happened!?! It’s impossible to find normal sex. Ya know….just two people doing it…..like the good old days. And of those that I mentioned….there’s probably about 100 more categories. Boggles the mind. Hey….porn’s cool. I dig it. Especially the big budget Pirates Porn. It’s hysterical. But come on….

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I don’t know what has happened to the world (mainly the country I live in). In a way all this sexual liberation is good for America, once an ultra puritan country. But I think they’re pushing ahead too fast and will explode (no pun intended). Aren’t we warping the minds of the youth and desensitizing people with an overly sexual and loveless mode of entertainment?? Or is it just pure entertainment and people having a good time?? This also brings up the question, which can be applied to almost everything that’s out of control in our societies around the world, and that is……. when will it be enough??? Does every aspect and every possible combination of everything in existence need to be recorded and exploited?? For me…..I don’t need to scroll through thousands of videos of a million different categories of porn when I’m feeling horny. Sometimes it makes me not even want to be horny….because it’s getting too damn confusing.

I leave you with a nice picture of the 80’s porn star Ginger Lynn. I hope you’ve enjoyed this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. Have a great day and be nice to all those you encounter. Humans, Animals and Plants alike.

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String Cheesing

String Cheesing. It’s the newest thing. It’s gonna be bigger than Planking and the Harlem Shake (which I kind of invented back in 2001 according to my friend Kev Kage but that’s beside the point). The good thing is…..that I actually DID invent this wonderful thing called String Cheesing. What is the origin? It all started over a year ago when I thought it’d be great to make homeless faces in pictures taken of me. I was always making this face. My girlfriend at the time hated it. She thought I looked stupid. But it wasn’t stupid….it was GREAT.

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It then evolved and was given the name……..String Cheesing. What you do is….#1. You wind up your arm. Swing it out to be as bendy as possible and give a thumbs up.

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#2 Push out your bottom jaw and get a nice underbite. Really give it your all.

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#3 Smile like a homeless man or just like anyone who is really, really happy.

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….and there you have it. STRING CHEESING. You can take regular String Cheesing pictures. You can photo-bomb with String Cheesing, the sky is the limit. You can even String Cheese with friends!!!

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So let’s review……Wind Up. Thumbs Up. Big Jaw. Big Smile. Voila!! String Cheesing at airports!! String Cheesing at Bars!! String Cheesing at Clubs!!!

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I hope that people take this and run with it. How awesome would it be to see someone String Cheesing while they skydive??? And here’s an extra fun one. When you’re in Switzerland it’s called…..SWISS CHEESING.

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So there you have it. String Cheesing. Have fun with it. Make stupid faces. Look like an idiot once and a while. It’ll make you and others laugh. Be sure to photo-bomb some people with this too. It’s great!! I hope you’ve enjoyed this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. As always be good to yourself and others….and have an awesome day.

Woody Allen

Woody Allen. Love him. Hate him. Either way….he’s made some great films. Two in particular, which is why I really respect him as a filmmaker. When the man makes a ridiculous film, he does it really well. This is why I applaud him for his recent film To Rome With Love (2012). I won’t spoil it if you haven’t seen it yet, but it’s outrageous, hysterical and his crowning achievement of the films made in his twilight years. It’s got Alec Baldwin, Penelope Cruz and Roberto Benigni. We all remember Roberto Benigni’s amazing speech about banging pumpkins right? (It was from the film Night on Earth (1991) ) Well if you saw that film, imagine a performance that tops it.

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His other film that I feel is on par with the amount of ridiculousness in ‘To Rome With Love’ is Sleeper (1973). A story about a guy who is thawed out after being in cryostasis for 200 years. It’s funny. It’s outrageous. If you’re a Woody Allen fan I’m sure you know about it. If not, please go see it. ‘That’s a big chicken’

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If you’re into silly films and feel a need to watch something outrageous and ridiculous, please see ‘Sleeper’ and ‘To Rome With Love’. I haven’t seen all of Woody Allen’s films but on the whole I do enjoy his movies. I’m sure he’s had some stinkers….but I applaud his work. I hope you’ve enjoyed this short M.A.V.B.L.O.G. today. Be good to yourself. Be good to others. Have a great day.

Outrageousness: Kiryas Joel

Kiryas Joel. For those of you living in Orange County, New York (especially Harriman, Woodbury or Monroe), I’m sure you have pretty strong opinions about this ‘village’. So what is Kiryas Joel? As taken from wikipedia, “Kiryas Joel is a village within the town of Monroe in Orange County, New York, United States. The great majority of its residents are Hasidic Jews who strictly observe the Torah and its commandments, and belong to the Satmar Hasidic dynasty. There are about 20,000 people in the village. The village has one of the highest rates of poverty in the nation with 2/3rd’s of residents below the poverty line and about 40% of residents on food stamps”.

But what really is Kiryas Joel? It is a shining example of how you can blatantly and effectively abuse the system and manipulate the government to your whim. It is, in effect, a giant commune or cult of religious fanatics who have as many children as possible, get as many tax breaks as possible, claim poverty while at the same time making money and utilizing religion as a crutch and a means to further their expansion and greed. Now don’t twist my words and opinions please. I am not anti-semitic. I am anti-asshole and pro-truth. And the majority of Hasidic’s who live in Kiryas Joel are arrogant assholes who have no regard for other cultures, believe that they are superior, are cheats and liars, are obsessed with money and are a complete drain on the economy and the natural world. If they’re so horrible why are they able to flourish and succeed? Two simple things…money and politics. They vote in blocks. They have the power to sway elections with one phone call. Even former US President Bill Clinton has them on speed dial. Also, they’re extremely wealthy. As a giant community associated with all sects of Satmar Hasidic’s (those in Brooklyn and elsewhere), they have vast business enterprises and real estate holdings.

So why do I care and why am I writing a M.A.V.B.L.O.G. about Hasidics? It’s because I live in Monroe, New York. My family has been here for almost 60 years and has seen Kiryas Joel grow by leaps and bounds. I’d like our family to keep my childhood home and not be forced out because of real estate devaluation (a common practice of Hasidics). And……I’ve encountered deplorable Hasidic’s enough times to fill a novel. In my life, I’ve met one Hasidic man who I could identify with. ONE. He was present with other Hasidic families that were being unruly, irrational and heinous and he distanced himself from them. He apologized for their behavior. But just like in any organization……one good man doesn’t make up for 1,000 scumbags.

I applaud the fact that they appreciate education. An average Hasidic speaks several languages. There are frequently Hasidic’s going to the library, taking out books instead of movies, and continually learning and improving themselves. That’s about the only thing I can applaud though. As a community they have high rates of mental retardation, this due to the fact that they practice arranged marriages, those that are frequently incestuous. (Yes….brothers and sisters. 1st cousins. All that stuff). Quote below taken from.  (http://www.debrapasquella.com/2007/07/whats-truth-among-hasidic-community.html )

“For one, it’s been known that the Hasidic community intermarries for reasons of keeping the inheritance within the family or {klan}. They want to keep their genes pure, for reasons of heritage and keeping the family businesses intact. If they rely on the Old Testament, then why would they commit such an abomination? Or is it an abomination?”

What else makes me mad? Well…..they don’t add anything to our communities. They keep to themselves. You’d think with such a rapid population growth they’d open some restaurants and bakeries….or general shops. No. There’s nothing. Hasidic’s frequently utilize the parks and public places in Monroe……they purchased the entire main street and are happy charging exorbitant rents to small business owners. But they don’t open any business’s themselves. Why not? They’re essentially taking over the Orange County…..why not show off their culture and let us folks from other cultures get to know them through their foods or shops? Take Mexicans and Central Americans for example. Hard working people. Maybe you have an issue with them because they could be illegal aliens, they don’t learn English or they take jobs away. But they add something to the community. They open restaurants, bars and shops. They have great music. They have great food. They invite outsiders to enjoy their culture. That is great! That is proper assimilation for the benefit of everyone, regardless of your culture, religion or color of skin.

Now I know from experience that Jewish people are extremely touchy. I don’t say that as an affront, but I’m getting across that this has NOTHING to do with religion. It could be a village filled with Muslims or Buddhists, born again Christians or Scientologists. I don’t care. There’s a proper way to show your fellow man respect and common courtesy….and that is not present in Kiryas Joel. Do you know that there’s a welcome sign in Kiryas Joel that tells you how to dress if you’re going to their village? Excuse me!!!??? Do the residents of Monroe, New York tell Hasidic’s how to dress when they utilize their public parks and business’s in town?? Nope. But why shouldn’t they tell them to take off their overcoat and hat? I mean….they basically look like terrorists (in the traditional view of it), that’s a perfect justification. You know….The Patriot Act and all. But the residents of Monroe don’t do that…..because they’re not fanatical.

I’ve experienced and also heard multitudes of anecdotal stories about Hasidic’s over the years that shock me. Sexually frustrated Hasidic men who ask for hand jobs and blow jobs at respected spas and massage places, rebellious Hasidic’s who run away from home and drop acid and do hard drugs,  Hasidic landlords who cut corners and put their tenants through hell, Hasidic’s who smash their shopping carts into people’s cars because they dislike everyone else, Hasidic gangs who beat up people from other ethnicities, Hasidic men who consistently rape Hasidic women (and the women can’t do anything because they’re treated like animals)….etc….etc. They’re not exactly improving the community or the areas around their community.

I feel sorry for them (mainly the women who are treated like garbage). Hasidic’s live their live’s by a strict set of doctrines that represses their wills and probable desires to live an enjoyable life. They’re indoctrinated from a young age and have no choice to be free. They have no choice but to follow the rules of their fathers and grandfathers and so on. The women are treated worse than pets, they’re made to shave their heads and wear scarves, their sole purpose in life is to have as many children as possible. They’re a community of robots. They listen to their master and follow the rules, as irrational as they may be. Personally I view them as a cult……because I respect and admire the truth……..and that is the truth. (A community that keeps to themselves, has a fanatical and outmoded religion, hoards money, manipulates the system, has an outdated and brutal treatment of its women and feels superior to all others = CULT). At the end of the day, if the Hasidic’s continue to expand and devalue Monroe and the surrounding towns, I’ll simply move away and not have to think about it anymore. But a once quaint farming village……has rapidly been transformed to resemble a crummy area of Brooklyn…..and that is sad.

Again, for those of you reading who are extremely sensitive, those of you who make a habit of contorting people’s words, those of you who may have business interests with Hasidic’s, those of you who may work within politics or our government…….this has nothing to do with religion. NOTHING. It has to do with being a good person. Showing respect to all men. Living by the tenet that ‘all men are created equal’. I don’t care if you dislike someone…..you can still show them respect without being an asshole. So you wanna worship frogs and start a cult? You want to be a Mormon and wear sacred underwear? You want to venerate goats and live in a teepee? I don’t care. Go ahead. Do it. Do your thing. That’s your choice. Just whatever you do…….be a good person. Hasidic’s may wonder why there’s so much anger and frustration towards them and it’s because when you’re a bully…………..people tend to not like you. When you’re mean to others…..no one will care when tragedy strikes (just like their recent building fires). Kiryas Joel may be a money maker and a political asset……but it is a haven of fanatical, irrational people who disrespect and disregard all other cultures. If I were a politician and financiers threw a bunch of money at me to run for office in Monroe……I’d simply go under the banner ‘I’m not Hasidic’.

I’d hoped that in the 21st Century all individuals, groups and communities would transform into a higher design with qualities such as respect, mutual adoration, cooperation and acceptance. But to use the famous quote of our times…..’It is what it is’.

Thanks for reading this M.A.V.B.L.O.G. post. I hope you learned something new and became enlightened to this situation. As always, do a quick google search or go to the library for more information. Have a great day! And make sure you take care of yourself and your family! And be to good to others!

(as an aside- two nights after I posted this I encountered a very friendly and helpful Hasidic man who was a fireman. So that’s TWO nice Hasidic’s I’ve met. Maybe times are changing. I sure hope so.)